Quantcast
Channel: Bond Cigarettes Information, Questions and Answers » true
Viewing all articles
Browse latest Browse all 2

My story of ultimate pain?

0
0

This story is just for mature people it’s alot to read but before you read my true story it’s about rape of a fourteen year old girl, and the man who has’nt paid for it.

Here’s my story from the other night. Here I am again sitting in the van while the rain pours outside the windows. I sit here in a parking lot and reminisce in ultimate sadness and grief about what he did to me the pain and anguish he caused me. How could a man do something like that to such a young girl, at such a young age? How could a man 30 years senior to me rape for a year? Steal my young teenage life and the most precious thing I will never get back. And still I don’t think I’ll ever have the answer. The flash backs are almost unbearable of my past with him, it hurts my mind to even see the memories. Although I have such hate for him still my body longs for his touch, his lips, his arms wrapped around me. Why, I ask my self why can’t I hate you? If I close my eyes long enough I can still remember his scent it enthralls me I feel powerless. I sit here and tears begin to run down my face in the thought of the pain my heart is feeling how can you hate and still be in love with someone after seven years. My heart struggles to not be in love with him but I will always be, I will always have to surrender to the memories of him and my forbidden love.

It all started when I was fourteen years old on a couch in the summertime, in early morning when the dew was still on the ground. Fog covered the outside porch as I went to check the temperature of the pool. I walked inside the back door then in front of him in a bikini top and sweat pants getting ready to go change to go swimming. Floyd was him name the man who forever changed me and he sat there with a beer in in hand as always watching CMT , he was an alcoholic then. He looked at me as I walked by and asked to me lay across his lap and to this day I have no idea why I did why did I for once listen to him especially knowing what was coming. The memory of this hands touching my stomach and then slowly going down my sweat pants still makes my body quiver to this day, the taste of the Busch beer from his lips on mine makes my stomach turn. I never knew that day would change me for the rest of my life. The day he took my virginity I can hardly talk about because I remember the smell of the room, the sheets even his cigarette I even remember his face as he was thrusting in and out of me. It was a day I was supposed to be at school, it was Christmas break when he touched me again it was early morning again when it happened. The day he took my virginity afterward I rolled over on the bed and balled my eyes out. It was so wrong, but it continued for a year.

I sit in the van still waiting for my husband to get back. I sit here and see him through the rain, there he is I say to myself now I can’t be alone with my memories, he has saved me. Joshua get in the car and says are you ok? I say I’m great baby he says ok lets go home now. As Joshua drives I am taken back again to the memory of Floyd. Floyd got in trouble for that day for what he did, but not enough and that’s where Teresa comes into play. Floyd and Teresa are married so they say they were actually divorced in the 80’s and never remarried just lived together all these years and I’m their second cousin, well Teresa’s and Floyd is her 44 year old husband. That day when he touched me I formed an awkward bond with him, I never got along with Teresa her and I butted heads but with Floyd I made a bond with him that will never be broken to this day even though I haven’t seen or heard from him in seven years and it kills me just to say it but its true. I never got along with Terrie because my real Mother signed her rights away to Terry and it killed me I never got along with Floyd but after I told Terrie that he touched me she basically slapped him on the hand and went about her merry way and that’s what sets the mood for this whole story. It was ignored but known about if that makes any sense. She was a woman denying her husband was sleeping with a fifteen year old girl, I told her three times within a year that I had feelings for her husband I dropped and left so many hints around that we were having sex together I even told her twice we were having sex but those hints were ignored so was me telling her that her husband was having sex with me. I felt I was in a hole I could never get out of I felt powerless. Terrie began to think I was another woman taking over her territory so instead of helping me and kicking him out of the house she kept him and began to compete with me for her boyfriend. I felt like another woman now, as if me being a mixed up teenager wasn’t enough I had to deal with this too. Floyd made me feel so sexy he would stand me in the mirror in lingerie and make me stare at how beautiful I was. I had milky white skin and my body was curvy in all the right spots I was developing into a beautiful young woman but he took

Chosen Answer:

You love him because he made you feel loved. Weather you knew it was wrong for him to touch you or not didn’t matter because finally someone came into your life that would give you the attention that you were craving. I am so sorry that he took advantage of an already broken girl. I can only imagine how difficult that situation would be to live through, and trying to explain the awkward feelings that continue to linger must be a daunting task. You have to remember that this is a normal response to such a situation. You have to remember to work through the feelings that you have without feeling like they are right or wrong. Just recognize that they are yours, and you have a right to them. Try to remember that in life it is hard to feel loved and validated, and very easy to be taken advantage of. It is not so easy to understand what was going through his mind, or hers for that matter. They have their own issues that caused them to behave in these ways. You have the power to change if you want to. You may always feel confused about what happened to you, but it may help you to forgive yourself for the feelings you find to be so hard to let go of. Remind yourself that you were just a young girl who really needed to feel like she was worth something. It just happened in your life that the wrong person found that girl. I am not sure what to say accept that I am sorry and you are not to blame. I wish you the best, and it might be helpful to find a group who have had similar experiences in their lives. It may help to hear from them that what you experience and your feelings about it are not abnormal. And if you ever want to talk. I am here.


Viewing all articles
Browse latest Browse all 2

Latest Images

Trending Articles





Latest Images